Tuesday, 20 March 2018

Spring/Summer '18 horoscopes.

Spring is officially here. So check your future here. I'm doing dual-season horoscopes now. It's more 'fashion'.

Aries
21st March - 20th April
Buy a raffle ticket.

Taurus
21st April - 21st May
You will discover Clarence Carter. Dr. C. C. himself. He's Strokin'. Yes he is.

Gemini
22nd May - 21st June
You will meet a bald man. Rub his head till it SHINES.

Cancer
22nd June - 22nd July
Have a peep.

Leo
23rd July - 23rd August
You'll fall off your pushbike if you're not careful.

Virgo
24th August - 22nd September
Milk the cow.

Libra
23rd September - 23rd October
Listen to the wind.

Scorpio
24th October - 22nd November
Listen to the rain.

Sagittarius
23rd November - 21st December
Listen to your heart when he's calling for you.

Capricorn
22nd December - 20th January
Re-discover Roxette. It'll do you good.

Aquarius
21st January - 18th February
Just do it, for fuck's sake.

Pisces
19th February - 20th March
Cheese.

Friday, 16 March 2018

Pleasing podcast.

I've just listened to the first podcast by the Beauty Papers folk.

As soon as I saw the email from Beauty Papers mentioning it I was straight on to BeyondPod (fuck iTunes) to listen. My heart sank a bit. 81 minutes. 81 whole minutes. I couldn't focus on anything for that long. I could've watched a (probably) shite film on Netflix in that time. I could've rewatched nearly four episodes of Friends for the millionth time. But I had to wash the gargantuan pile of dishes (no I don't have a dishwasher - I live in a dump) so I thought I'd listen for a bit.

Well. It was cool as mince. I was hanging on Val Garland's every word. So many iconic looks were described that are still so fresh in my mind, it was great to hear about their creation.

The only thing that could make this better would be links in the podcast description so that I could instantly see these looks again, and people new to her work could see what they're on about. However while looking up Val's work I've discovered even more brilliantly weird stuff she's responsible for. So that's good.

I wish my existence could have afforded me a visit to Val's salon. Go listen. You'll feel exactly the same. Next episode, please.

Monday, 12 March 2018

I have been bad.

I have never worn a baseball cap in my life.

If I used logic I would use all my money to pay the builders and to save for holidays I've committed to but can't really afford.


And yet. Here I am. Happy as a clam.
In possession of a rather expensive (by my standards) chapeau.


I couldn't help it.

Despite having no real connection to the lady* I decided I needed a piece from Anna Dello Russo's archive. I have enjoyed looking at her outfits over the years so I went for it. Thank you Net-a-Porter.


*I did find myself standing next to her outside a Chanel show** in Paris a couple of years ago - does that count?


**I was not invited to the Chanel show. I am a nobody. I was just loitering outside.

This is reminding me that I bought a bad ass snake bracelet from the collection ADR did with H&M a few years ago. I need to dig that thing out.

Slytherin pride.

Thursday, 21 December 2017

Winter 2017/2018 horoscopes.

Winter horoscopes here. With the only info anyone gives a fuck about at this time of year.

Capricorn
22nd December - 20th January
You will get no birthday present.
Because your birthday is too close to Christmas.
Sorry.

Aquarius
21st January - 18th February
You will get a new pencil.

Pisces
19th February - 20th March
You will get a lump of coal.
Shaped like Alan Rickman's head.
Cherish it.

Aries
21st March - 20th April
An apple and a Satsuma.
Can't say fairer than that.

Taurus
21st April - 21st May
You will get an inflatable sheep.
Pre-owned.

Gemini
22nd May - 21st June
You will get a new horse.

Cancer
22nd June - 22nd July
You will get two new horses.
And a donkey.

Leo
23rd July - 23rd August
You won't get anything.
'Cos you're an asshole.

Virgo
24th August - 22nd September
New speedboat headed your way!

Libra
23rd September - 23rd October
You will get the gift of invisibility.

Scorpio
24th October - 22nd November
You will get a hard spanking.

Sagittarius
23rd November - 21st December
Your birthday is also kind of close to Christmas.
So you'll likely get no birthday present either.
Sorry.

Wednesday, 15 November 2017

GET THE JUICE.

The passage of time is now measured by Chromeo album releases.

I cannot wait.


Loving the legs. Hope they are a recurring theme. Please make it so.

Friday, 22 September 2017

Autumn 2017 horoscopes.

Here are your stars for this season, you unique beings.

Libra
23rd September - 23rd October
Something mundane that
could be interpreted in several
ways will happen to you this season.
Your stars are always bang on.

Scorpio
24th October - 22nd November
Something mundane that
could be interpreted in several
ways will happen to you this season.
Your stars are always bang on.

Sagittarius
23rd November - 21st December
Something mundane that
could be interpreted in several
ways will happen to you this season.
Your stars are always bang on.

Capricorn
22nd December - 20th January
Something mundane that
could be interpreted in several
ways will happen to you this season.
Your stars are always bang on.

Aquarius
21st January - 18th February
Something mundane that
could be interpreted in several
ways will happen to you this season.
Your stars are always bang on.

Pisces
19th February - 20th March
Something mundane that
could be interpreted in several
ways will happen to you this season.
Your stars are always bang on.

Aries
21st March - 20th April
Something mundane that
could be interpreted in several
ways will happen to you this season.
Your stars are always bang on.

Taurus
21st April - 21st May
Something mundane that
could be interpreted in several
ways will happen to you this season.
Your stars are always bang on.

Gemini
22nd May - 21st June
Something mundane that
could be interpreted in several
ways will happen to you this season.
Your stars are always bang on.

Cancer
22nd June - 22nd July
Something mundane that
could be interpreted in several
ways will happen to you this season.
Your stars are always bang on.

Leo
23rd July - 23rd August
Something mundane that
could be interpreted in several
ways will happen to you this season.
Your stars are always bang on.

Virgo
24th August - 22nd September
Something mundane that
could be interpreted in several
ways will happen to you this season.
Your stars are always bang on.