Wednesday, 21 June 2017

Summer Horoscopes

Prepare yourself for summer. Read your stars.

Cancer
22nd June - 22nd July
Ensure that you have bought
enough compost for the job.

Leo
23rd July - 23rd August
You can't win the pony raffle
if you don't buy a ticket.

Virgo
24th August - 22nd September
Dance like nobody is watching
and you're on fire.

Libra
23rd September - 23rd October
Do you smell something weird?
It is you.

Scorpio
24th October - 22nd November
Get your flans out and
take them to the county fair.

Sagittarius
23rd November - 21st December
Give each of your fingers a name.

Capricorn
22nd December - 20th January
Get yourself one of Dr. Amp's
gold shit-digging shovels.

Aquarius
21st January - 18th February
If you wish hard enough it will happen.
If it doesn't it's probably because
you didn't wish hard enough.

Pisces
19th February - 20th March
Lemsip will help.

Aries
21st March - 20th April
Watch some Saved by the Bell
on YouTube.

Taurus
21st April - 21st May
Rub maple syrup on it.

Gemini
22nd May - 21st June
There is a ghost in your shed.

Wednesday, 3 May 2017

Nightwave Plaza

I have been even more lazy than usual as of late.

One of the best soundtracks to my laziness is Nightwave Plaza.

Give it a listen.

You might like it. I think it makes boring rubbish seem more movie-like.

You might not like it. Whatever.

They have an app now. If that's your thing. With cool backgrounds.

My favourite background so far. Goan Daria.

Monday, 17 April 2017

Victoria Beckam for Target.

It finally arrived. After having to pay £7.00 for next day delivery it came today - 8 days later.

I was sent an email saying it would be late though. Which was nice.

UPDATE: I have been refunded the cost of shipping - thanks VB. 

Here's the only item I ordered:


And here I am wearing it while standing outside a shed:

Somebody call Models 1.

I can only speak for the piece I got. And the quality is shit hot. The fabric has a good weight. The fabric covered buttons are a nice touch. And the sleeves - excuse me for sounding like a wanker - are everything. They're long, but not falling-in-your-jelly long.


I've read some shit reviews but as far as I'm concerned this is way better than I'd expect for a $30 shirt.


Final note: the invoice papers were fastened with a rabbit shaped paper clip. That's classy as fuck.

I'm going to parade around now.

Monday, 3 April 2017

Beauty Papers and booze.

The new Beauty Papers turned up.

Beauty Papers (issue 03)
Old Mout kiwi & lime cider

That was my day off taken care of.


It's the best beauty magazine out there as far as I can see. Feel free to correct me if you think I'm wrong. If you have found something better than this I want to have a look.


There is something for everyone in this magazine. But no rules. No endless lists of products. Just encouragement of expression and acceptance. Sometimes from unexpected points of view.


I understand why a lot of people have turned away from glossy magazines. The bullshit followed by the guilt of throwing it in the bin. But you'll want to keep all the Beauty Papers and refer back to them. Every issue is like a fucking coffee table book.


I will buy a coffee table someday.

Thursday, 23 March 2017

Leopardy jeopardy.

Went to another charity shop yesterday.


An Amaranto (anyone?) sheer leopard print blouse.

£3.75 from the British Red Cross.

The vision:

The reality:

And I'm OK with that.


Sunday, 19 March 2017

Monday, 6 March 2017

Charity shop GOLD.

Or silver.


An H&M silver lamé camisole in perfect condition.

£2.00 from Cancer Research UK.


I'll probably wear this over a plain white t-shirt.

Cos I don't want to freeze my tits off.

Wednesday, 1 March 2017

Spring horoscopes.

Spring is here. The stars have spoken.

Aries
21st March - 20th April
Stay in.

Taurus
21st April - 21st May
Go out.

Gemini
22nd May - 21st June
Rent a speedboat.

Cancer
22nd June - 22nd July
Put on some earmuffs and
take cover in a tiled bathroom.

Leo
23rd July - 23rd August
Get tae fuck.

Virgo
24th August - 22nd September
Beware.

Libra
23rd September - 23rd October
You could make a sculpture
of yourself out of sawdust and
petroleum jelly if you wanted.

Scorpio
24th October - 22nd November
Steal a child's glasses.

Sagittarius
23rd November - 21st December
Burn some Findus Crispy Pancakes
(minced beef flavour) to a crisp and
leave them in someone's car
to ward off evil spirits.

Capricorn
22nd December - 20th January
Spring will be really shitty for you.

Aquarius
21st January - 18th February
A woman with a Stanley knife
taped to a hammer will bring you luck.

Pisces
19th February - 20th March
Celebrate with a tyre fire.