Tuesday, 20 March 2018

Spring/Summer '18 horoscopes.

Spring is officially here. So check your future here. I'm doing dual-season horoscopes now. It's more 'fashion'.

Aries
21st March - 20th April
Buy a raffle ticket.

Taurus
21st April - 21st May
You will discover Clarence Carter. Dr. C. C. himself. He's Strokin'. Yes he is.

Gemini
22nd May - 21st June
You will meet a bald man. Rub his head till it SHINES.

Cancer
22nd June - 22nd July
Have a peep.

Leo
23rd July - 23rd August
You'll fall off your pushbike if you're not careful.

Virgo
24th August - 22nd September
Milk the cow.

Libra
23rd September - 23rd October
Listen to the wind.

Scorpio
24th October - 22nd November
Listen to the rain.

Sagittarius
23rd November - 21st December
Listen to your heart when he's calling for you.

Capricorn
22nd December - 20th January
Re-discover Roxette. It'll do you good.

Aquarius
21st January - 18th February
Just do it, for fuck's sake.

Pisces
19th February - 20th March
Cheese.

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